Whenever I come across a parent saying, “we are raising a child” I’m reminded of Sadguru (Indian yogi, mystic and a visionary) saying “only cattle are raised not children, parents should first raise themselves before their kids”. This is a profound statement for parents to introspect and find answers. I will try not to use the word “raising” in this article.
When children are in the process of growing up, there are several instances where parents get frustrated and hate about their child, but parents rarely reveal the truth because of the fear of being branded as bad parenting. Let’s explore in this article 5 things parents hate about their child:
1. Children grow up very fast, this is a process and it is not necessary that every single aspect should be positive. A child is exploring both good and bad, it is not uncommon for parents to wonder why and where did the child pick-up the bad things. These bad instances will only increase over a period of time until the child develops her/his own moral standing. Sometimes children are bound to reason out and stand by the bad side. This is a natural phenomenon and parents should be aware that this is bound to happen in a growing child.
2. Children also have definite boundaries around them for the parents and often parents either don’t realise or they take these boundaries for granted. Parents tend to stick their nose in things that they should not. For example, parents peeping into the child’s secret book without the child’s permission. This can get further complicated when parents start questioning the content. Parents have no right to cross these boundaries.
3. Most parents often think that they are listening to the child but in reality, they are nor hearing them. Very often we see parents interrupting the child before the child has finished speaking. Parents should take a pause and self-introspect, be quiet and let the child’s words sink in before responding.
4. Parents hate when children answer back. Parents should once again introspect and find out why does the child do this and from where has the child learnt this. Often the child has picked up this behaviour from the adults around and in most cases, it is the parents as role models. Instead of hating the child, parents should first mend their behaviour. Sometimes the child may do it out of frustration of not being heard out by the parents.
5. Quarrels between siblings are not uncommon. Parents should avoid interfering and judging who is right or who is wrong. A wise thing is to let the children work through amongst themselves, no matter whom the parents think is right. Parents should not mediate unless they can be truly neutral. This is a challenging task because most parents think they know who this is always right but most often is not true. When parents intervene and judge it often ends up with one child feeling the parent is partial or loves the other sibling more.
Unfortunately, children are not born with a user manual. Every child is unique and is constantly experimenting and learning from every single interaction with the world. Every time a child does something wrong, parents should take a pause and ask where the child learned this from and what is the contribution of parents in this process, instead of hating the child. Self-introspection is essential and critical.